I tend to set my mind in rigidity. I unwittingly follow hidden assumed rules which manifest in habitual patterns of thought and behavior. These thoughts don’t manifest when I am completely detached from my material possessions. In fact, when I have no sense of materialism, I think I am the most happy. Rigidity manifests when I am trapped in routine, when I want to control my situation, when I long, crave, confuse myself, and ultimately, suffer.

The problem is I am still a materialist. I have not given up that aspect of my life. Where would I be without my computer, my books. I resist becoming detached from materials because I don’t see anything possible for myself outside material life. It is a ridiculous resistance, because I know that I am happiest when I do not resist. So what the fuck am I doing?